Between the Light and Dark Side

Not very well.

Tobias is a complete and utter mystery to me. I don't understand him. He's completely... selfless. I mean, I'd say it was because he's a Jedi, but dad's a Jedi, and he's not like that. Maybe he feels guilty about ... Or maybe he's just like that normally. I dunno.

Also, we don't have a Force Bond. Tobias makes them as easy as sneezing apparently, but we don't have one. Which is also strange.

He doesn't think he has to say he loves us.

He loves me.

I don't know why. I've been horrible to him. I nearly got him killed. Several times. I've tried to kill him. But he still loves me. Part of me wonders if it's because he loves Kale and sees me as just another part of him. But the other part of me says that he loves me for me.

He sees hope with us.



Patient: Trever Delvar
Partners: Kale Delvar, Tobias
Fandom: Star Wars, Ocs.
Word Count: 190
I have no idea what that means.

He'll never say. Or at least, I'm too scared to ask him.

But he'll always be there.

Unless he goes out and gets himself killed. If he does, I'll kill him.

Hey Tobias, I hope you read this one.

When I first met Tobias, I didn't like him. I didn't hate him because Kale didn't and generally we have the same feelings towards a person. But he made me jealous because I didn't want to share Kale. He was mine. But Kale loved him. And not like he loved me. He loved Tobias as a person outside of himself and me as a part of himself. Which I had never done before.. or felt before. I mean, I've had sex with others, but it's just been sex.

But Kale, he loves him and he didn't want to leave me out because he loves me to. Surprisingly, despite being the quiet one between the two of us, he's very good at instigating stuff. He got me to kiss Tobias. I don't know how he did it, but he did it. And I kissed him and knew what Kale found in him. It's not something that I can put into words though. I want to say it felt right. But that's not quite it.

It felt good though. Really good and I wanted it again. I know he was surprised when I kissed him. After all I'd been hostile to him up until that point. And continued to be hostile. I did betray him to the Sith to protect Kale. Not that it worked out very well. I'd have to say it failed miserably. Hurting all of us. Still... he didn't exactly turn me away. He didn't do it at all. He let me stay.

We well separated for a while. I had my own room and Kale and Tobias had the other. Kale was extremely clingy to Tobias at the time. I think because he was a like soul. They both suffer the same wound. Surprisingly I got lonely. And not just for Kale, but for Tobias too. I wanted to be with him. I missed him. Not like a friend though... I think that's when it happened. When I realized that I loved him.

I know my attachment to him isn't as strong as Kale's is, but I'm assuming that it'll grow over time. I still worry though, of him hurting Kale. I don't know if Kale worries about the same thing, but I know that he worries about that in regards to us.

Which is nice, I think.

Hrm.. Promise.

I promise to try and do good to you. Both of you.

I promise to try and not go Dark Side... again. To try and stay in the gray.

I promise to clean the litter box. Yes, I know she's my cat and I should clean it.

I promise to love you Tobias, for as long as I'm able to. And to not cheat on you.


Patient:Trever Delvar
Partners: Kale Delvar and Tobias Donn
Fandom: Star Wars OC
Word Count: 68

Alexander Andrews: Do you love her?
Peter Warne: A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her without going nutty! She's my idea of nothing!
Alexander Andrews: I asked you a simple question! Do you love her?
Peter Warne: YES! But don't hold that against me, I'm a little screwy myself!

--Frank Capra's It Happened One Night


It kinda reminds me of my relationship with Kale and Tobias. We drive each other all nutty. And yet somehow we all love each other. But then again, we're all a bit nutty ourselves. And all a bit broken, for lack of a better word.

Tobias has that bum leg (though the cane is rather sexy) and is a hole in the Force. He's also cranky and a worrywart. But that's just endearing and adorable.

Kale's a hole in the Force too and it's much, much more recent a happening. Also, he's been cut off from me. He's been sort of... dead lately. He tries not to be, but he is. Being stuck in the house all the time doesn't help much either.

And for me? Cut from Kale and dealing with the fallout from being with the Dark Jedi.

So, perhaps not nutty, but broken. And, to be horribly cheesy, I think we all kinda help each other even if we're not going to get healed anytime soon.

I'll lose Kale. I mean.. it's hard to explain. We had never been separated before I ran off. That was hard, running off like that. And he followed me and ran into Tobias. Tobias and he... I guess they fell in love. It's hard for me to understand. I've never really loved anyone like that except for Kale. Seeing them together, when I found Kale again just hurt. Like getting cut in half hurt.

I hated Tobias for that. For taking Kale away from me. But Kale would have none of that. He wanted us both. I didn't see how that could be though. But he does. Equally.

After we were cut from each other it felt like I really did lose Kale. It hurt to be around him. He hurt so badly, he still does, I can see it in his eyes. They're practically dead. He tries a lot to hide it, but it's still there.

Now there's the three of us: Kale, Tobias and me. And despite myself I love Tobias too. And now I'm afraid of losing both of them.

I don't know if that answered the question, but this is what I thought of when I saw this.

Kale and I were always exploring the hills behind the farm. We weren't allowed into town so that only really left the hills and speeder bikes when we were done with our chores on the farm. The hills were nice. They were filled with caves and all sorts of things to explore. We had this one hidey hole cave that was our spot. We brought in blankets and pillows, snacky sorts of foods. We had books and holovids. On top of the cave we could lay down and see the entire plains leading out to the city including ships coming in. At least with binoculars.

We were fifteen, fourteen at the time, I don't really remember, but we were outside, lazing in the sun having finished watching some of the Twi'leck porn we "borrowed" from our older brother Naldin, and talking about sex like two normal teenage boys do. The thing is we'd never really met anyone our age before and it didn't seem like we would be.

But he was there and I was there and we decided to see what it was like. We didn't think much about it because, I'm him and he's me (Complicated story there) and if we're the same person then how could it be wrong? We sort of knew it was wrong, that there were taboos in society that said it was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong. It felt right. Like two halves finally meeting and becoming one. Like we were finally complete. Finally whole.

How could we stop after that?

I know it'll bother some of you to hear this, but that's what it is. That's who we are.

For a less bothersome kiss, Tobias had asked me up to talk about why I was being so hostile to him. We talked for a bit and then I kissed him. He was very shocked. But he's easy to shock. It's kinda fun.



Patient's name Trever Delvar
Fandom Star Wars
Words 321
Partner patient's name Kale Delvar and Tobias Donn.